Welcome to America!

Oh, Dear Sweet Jesus I'm back!!!





He is so very Sweet to me. I've been metamorphosing since the adoptions and
I have found out that it's harder to become a butterfly than I originally thought, but in the end I sure am going to be beautiful and strong. No promises....of joy everyday, soooo "Put on a Happy Face", ever heard that song? But inside you're crying out for God's Grace to fill you in your darkest hour; the loneliness at times is deafening. I have so much to learn about giving and killing my wanna be's. The adopted children are so very kind, but they are children, and children have needs and then they have wants. I guess you could say that we're learning together, funny how that works:)

Jeff and I share a bedroom with our two little boys. We have one big bed and two little beds, sounds alittle like Goldilocks doesn't it?:) It's a Love, Hate sleeping arrangement. They are so beautiful as they lay there sleeping, little cupids. It's great that we know what they're doing at night and if they need our attention, but man, it's hard on your Love life if you know what I'm talkin about. I mean jeepers folks! can't a gal' have alittle fun without someone waking up? I mean come on!! Or if I want to read, the lamp light can sometimes cause them to stir around and I'm thinkin and prayin, "Are they going to wake up?? Oh,I hope... Oh,I hope... NOT!!!"

Getting back to Ethiopia:
I remember getting on the plane from Addis Ababa heading to New York and how the six of us were situating ourselves on the plane. I was managing six backpacks,sweat on my brow,trying to maintain some type of communication (No,Yes,ishy ishy); glancing around, I could see a few other adopting mom's on this big plane with their little dark babe wrapped around them in some cute snugly contraption sleeping away. I longingly looked at them and sighed.




It was at that point I felt we were worlds apart -- how could they understand me and how I felt? I was bringing an army home, and I had multiple needs to consider, older children who can't be wrapped in a little snugly yet needing snuggled just as much - maybe even more...but...midway through our long ride home the tide began to turn. I began to hear the screaming babes, and I watch the adopting mothers jiggle them around from hip to hip,swaying them side to side, pushing bottles or pacifiers, trying to console the crying babe and looking very tired. It was then I realized that they had their difficult times too - it was just different than mine, and the grass didn't look greener on the other side anymore. So... I leaned back in my seat and continued to read my book with my head phones on listening to some quiet music.
When we landed in New York I was telling the children about America and how great it was that they finally arrived at their wonderful new country. As we entered the customs line waiting our turn, I decided to video tape the kids' first time on American soil - after all this was an important point in their lives. I put the video camera away and got out my digital camera and I just took one picture (it must have been the flash that got his attention) when I heard "STOP...PUT THAT CAMERA DOWN NOW!!! He motioned with his hand, "Henry, go get that camera from her and take her film" (I'm thinkin, it's digital, bud; we are in 2010 after all.) Every one's now looking at me, the new-found criminal...seriously, a mother carrying a "Cars" backpack with four newly adopted children??



What? are you kidding? "Ma'Am, you are NOT to Be taking Pictures in Here!!!!!" SO Henry runs over to get my camera, I show him the pix, he tells me to delete it and any other pictures on the camera I took during customs. Thank God he didn't see me taping, he probably would have taken the video film. The big guy in charge was sooooo angry with me I thought I may have seen a tail, and believe me it wasn't a cute bunny tail! I apologized to him several times, but he wasn't about to lower himself to receive it. I had no idea that it was against "the rules" because I sure never saw any such "rules". The children just looked in bewilderment, "Welcome to America kids"(I thought with sarcasm)... I was so sad that they had to experience this "first" in such a negative light. There wasn't any "Welcome to America, we are so glad you came!" I was shocked at the response of our country, and I was so glad that they did not take my digital card or find out about my video film. If they would have taken it all, imagine the pictures from Ethiopia with the memories gone because of some mistake I made, so be forewarned.

I have always had problems with rules, I seem to always break them. Seriously...I don't always intend to do it, it just happens with me, and I have had to carry the guilt of that all my life. How is it that I'm crushed by the Big guy who wants to make sure I suffer for breaking a rule I was never told existed? It's just like the enemy to try to take us out....guilt....guilt....guilt...
Wise up, daughter. Know your enemy. Try this on.
Grace.....Grace....Grace....oooh, my friends, that feels so much better! I think I'll wear that instead:)