Today our family celebrated our 1st year anniversary of adoption. The weeks leading up to this event were filled with tears. Tears of sorrow....tears of anger....and tears of why? I believe it has finally taken our oldest daughter Kidan a year to let her tears begin to flow; Gerima has had tears of anger toward her Ethiopian family which became evident as she stopped praying for her them during our morning prayer time. Abenezer has matured at expressing his tears with words that give me a better understanding of his thoughts. Mizan shares her dreams of her Ethiopian family and tells me when she misses them and asks the why questions.
But today was different. Today we celebrated. They put on their traditional Ethiopian attire. Streamers of both Ethiopian and American colors hung in our dining room. Aliza made an Ethiopian flag out of construction paper.
We brought out some Ethiopian memorabilia and placed it on the table. We watched movies of our trip to Africa and relived some of our precious memories, especially seeing their Ethiopian mom, sisters, Grandpa, and Grandma at their home near Adwa. Ethiopian music was played, and of course dancing followed. We had a wonderful breakfast at home for which Auburn made special pancakes that had chocolate chip smiley faces, shapes of Africa and even letters that spelled E-T-H-I-O-P-I-A. Some played outside, while others went for a walk on this 85 degree (!) April day.
Later, banana splits were made, and what a treat that was! We ended with a movie that the littlest ones enjoyed the most.
We brought out some Ethiopian memorabilia and placed it on the table. We watched movies of our trip to Africa and relived some of our precious memories, especially seeing their Ethiopian mom, sisters, Grandpa, and Grandma at their home near Adwa. Ethiopian music was played, and of course dancing followed. We had a wonderful breakfast at home for which Auburn made special pancakes that had chocolate chip smiley faces, shapes of Africa and even letters that spelled E-T-H-I-O-P-I-A. Some played outside, while others went for a walk on this 85 degree (!) April day. 
Later, banana splits were made, and what a treat that was! We ended with a movie that the littlest ones enjoyed the most. We made the one-year mark, which some adoptions do not make. I know without a doubt it was nothing short of the Grace of God that covered us this last year. There was no adoption support group for us -- we had two families bring a meal, and one of those was from a family of 13 with the dad being unemployed; their love to us was amazing. The adoption blog world wasn't as supportive as I thought it would be, most of them were more concerned about building up their blog empire then giving you any individual attention, which I really could have used. Our homeschool group was pretty silent with the exception of two families congratulating us. Our church family has been kind to us, yet relationships are distant, leaving very little adoption support there. I guess you can say I have felt pretty much alone in this process, and when you are alone in something you know is so right, you can get kinda sad and down and yeah, even somewhat mad. I have wondered, "Why does it have to be like this God?" He was silent... so very silent....
Upon reading other blogs I saw some of them getting help, from churches to volunteers helping teach English, to family members being available to relieve the load. We had none of this; it was all on us, or it wasn't gonna happen. I began to feel burned out and wished I had someone to share this load with. My husband is my best friend, but we still needed people with skin on to be there for us.
Encouragement can sustain you when you walk a path less traveled. I wish I could say everything's better now, but that would not be true. I may be walking with a limp, but I'm pressing forward into God's heart; its the heart of Love that holds me when all others fail. Would I do it again, what else would I do? Spend my time counting down the Big empty nest days? Get my nails done each week? Sell Norwex or Tupperware? Watch TV every night to fill my mind with the imaginations of Hollywood? How about investing my time in a great diet plan that promises me hope for a "new me" (heaven knows I could use it)? Or how about going to the mall every Saturday to fill that empty Love spot in my heart by buying more material possessions?
Herein lies my problem: I want to do something, be something and feel something for the One who has my heart, because all else pales when I'm with Him. And when I do His stuff.... His way ....it's pretty much just Him and Him alone who sees me. There's just not alot of glamour in that, but it sure is addicting as it exhilarates every fiber of my being.
I met your girls in Mekele last January and my girls were in Addis with Abenezer. I've followed along with your blog since. Your children are beautiful. I've often looked at your family and marveled (you have twice as many kids as we currently do) at how you must be "getting it all done." I've had many a melt down day--feeling completely inadequate for the task I've been blessed with and it's so good to read "real" blog posts about how it really is. Adoption is hard. Our older daughter (almost 7) has been home over a year and is now also just starting to show sadness(at least outwardly) regarding her loss. While this is one of the toughest things we've ever done, I also want to scream from the roof tops what a blessing it has been to be challenged by God to live a less safe and comfortable life and instead live an adventerous (sometimes overwhelming) life for Jesus. I've never been closer to God than I am when I'm in Ethiopia or going through the adoption process (we're adopting another little girl-9yrs from Mekele now). Be encouraged that you are not alone. This "job" we've been called to as moms (and especially adoptive moms) is hard, but your reward is in heaven-and that's worth it.
ReplyDeleteJessica
Your family is beautiful and your heart is pure gold. Wish we were neighbors. ;) Keep living for Him my friend- it is beautiful. Love, Amy
ReplyDeleteJeff and I have never adopted, but God has put many in our lives for us to give of ourselves to. The first was with my step-daughter, Ali. She was always one that we wanted to be in our home permanently, but through circumstances with her mother, we couldn't until she was 17. It was definitely a God thing, but looking back it was the hardest thing we, as a family, had ever done hands down. She was 17 and had never had rules, unconditional love or an understanding of God's love. It rocked our home and hearts. I don't regret bringing her into our home because it pains me to think where she would be if she hadn't. God was our sustain-er and by His grace was enough. There are friends of Dakota that we have had the pleasure of getting to know and I pray that we will be able to invest in more in the future.
ReplyDeleteI was the youngest of 7 children and we constantly had others in our home. I scarcely can recall having a Christmas when it was just us...there was always someone in need that we got to love on. The year I remember the most was the one that we housed a Bosnian family of 11 in our home for several weeks. I was 16 and it was soooo much fun for me. I can't imagine the load that my parents had (even though there was only 2 of us home at the time), but they never let me see it. The respect and love that was poured out on them was amazing and the Bosnian family felt it and showed their appreciation all the way down to ironing our underwear!! I drove them to church in my Dodge Omni and loved those children with all my heart (9 children from 13 on down). I'll never forget that!! My parents keep in contact with them even now. They ended up moving to Philadelphia and had at least one more child and named her after my mother!! Wow!! I don't know what the future holds, but whatever it is I know that God will prepare and sustain me through it. I'm so grateful for the absolutely amazing children that God has put in our care and I'm excited to see what's ahead for us. Thanks for sharing your heart and experiences with us. I'm most thankful for your friendship and example that you and your family has given. We love you all. Jeff and Joy Woodard
I am so sorry you didn't have more support. I can not imagine having walked these past 14 months alone and we only brought two new kiddos home to our home of just three others! Thank you for being honest about the struggles, it is hard. These children from hard places are hard to raise, but it makes it more difficult without the support system that we all need. Will send you a private msg too :) Thank you for your honesty.
ReplyDeleteYour family is so lovely...God is doing a beautiful work of redemption in your precious children's lives. So grateful for your faithfulness to follow His call, despite the lack of support. Just went to an Empowered to Connect Conference, and learned SO MUCH. Have you read Karyn Purvis' book? Really wonderful stuff...the heart of God for our children.
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